Maven Luka here at the helm today, sharing some insights and a tale to help us all move through big changes.
This is a story about finding resilience amidst chaos. Granted, it’s self-made chaos. Read on...
In the fall of 2023, my husband and I were sitting on our back deck on a warm fall afternoon. He’d been talking to a few schools overseas about the possibility of a teaching position in the future. As he shared the excitement of one particular conversation with a school in The Netherlands, he asked me if I was excited too. I could see the sparkle in his eyes as he spoke about the possibilities.
But when he looked at me, he said, “I don’t feel like you're excited about this.” And, truth be told, I wasn’t. My mind was already racing, mentally listing everything I’d need to take care of for a move across the ocean. How was I going to get all of this done, how much stress would it bring, and would it potentially bring on a rise in my histamine symptoms? I found it rather daunting, and honestly, all I could think of was how could I do all of these things and keep it together.
Yet, here I am, six months in to our new home here, so glad I said yes. Those early hesitations I had, and the worries about the stressors to come? I can safely say: it was all worth it.
I vividly remember one weekend afternoon in April of 2024, surrounded by boxes, furniture pulled away from the walls and covered in painting cloths. Our house was stripped down to the basics, all our artwork and personal items were tucked away in storage.
It dawned on me that we had no idea what we were really getting ourselves into. We’d lived in this house for 20 years. Our daughter walked through, looked around, and jokingly said, “Well, you might as well just erase ourselves from this house entirely.”
Had we lost our minds? Would we regret this decision?
Turbulent Transitions
If you understand that stress is one of the biggest triggers for histamine release in the body, you can appreciate my trepidation. The mountain of work ahead of us — packing up the house, moving our daughter off to university, and crossing the ocean for The Next Chapter of our life together, my husband and I — was no small feat.
If you’ve ever faced big life challenges, especially with chronic health issues, you know the pressure of navigating uncertainty, discomfort, and overwhelm. You are not alone, and I hope my journey offers some insight into how messy change can be, but also how it can reveal your own inner strength.
Prepping the Nest: Laying the Groundwork for Change
Let me be clear: I am part sloth. I’m a slow mover, slow to change, and I’ve learned that this pace helps me navigate change better than if I rush into things.
My husband and I had long talked about having an adventure, traveling to different parts of the world for short periods. I had built my work online in order to facilitate an adventure such as this, in fact!
As a teacher deeply embedded in the Waldorf pedagogy, we thought my husband Dean's work could facilitate an adventure like this – there are Waldorf schools all over the world! He had been teaching at the same school in Calgary since the fall of 2004: he was looking for a change.
My husband had put tentative feelers out in 2022; while we weren’t expecting to leave at this time, he was simply looking to see what was out there as a potential opportunity down the road.
When The International Waldorf School of The Hague reached out in the fall of 2023, looking for their next Grade Three teacher, it felt like everything we had talked about had just landed in our lap. It felt like the right moment.
There were other reasons motivating this move. Our daughter was heading off to university, and off to start her own life. Were we to return to our home in Calgary Alberta after dropping her off in residence, I was so afraid our hearts would break without her in our every day. With this temporary adventure on the horizon, now we also had our own 'new life' to build for this next phase. We had a new setting in which to imagine what life could look like as empty nesters.
We were curious to explore different ways of living, particularly Europe’s progressive approach to climate change and environmental care. The Hague had an appeal in particular: it is known as the International City of Peace.
For me, there was an added pull — the chance to live close to where my ancestors came from. They would have lived for generations along the North Sea in Ireland, France, and England, at this same latitude, on the same sea that is now 10 minutes away by bike from where I am writing this article.
I wondered, would there be a sense of recognition at the cellular level for me? Would my biochemistry function better at this latitude, surrounded by the ocean? Spoiler alert: yes.
But that is a story for another time.
The Art of Packing (and Staying Sane)
The move was overwhelming. There were so many tasks — setting up banking, closing old accounts, changing cell phone plans, renting out our house, sorting out health insurance, and navigating a new language. Five years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to manage all this, especially knowing that stress has always been my biggest trigger for my symptoms. So, I took it slow, tackling everything in small increments.
My husband spent months painting and doing repairs before he left, orchestrating our dump runs, putting on a yard sale and clearing space in the basement for storage for all of our belongings. He went ahead to The Netherlands two months before me to set up for his new job, but also to set up our accounts and figure out the government paperwork necessary for a move like this.
Meanwhile, I was packing up the house with the help of family and friends. It was no small feat! I quickly learned that a big change like this isn’t done alone. It takes a village.
One friend checked in with me regularly in the final weeks, making sure I was emotionally ready to bring our daughter to her university residence. Her love and care helped me through many tear-filled afternoons, helping me organize and run errands. Another spent a Saturday helping me with repairs around the house. Many evenings, friends came to help me clear out the pantry and freezer. I am deeply grateful to all the loved ones who pitched in.
There was one evening in particular that I’ll never forget. Six of my husband's good friends showed up to help move all the furniture into storage. Their swift and efficient work meant the dismantling and storing of furniture and bigger pieces fit like a Jenga puzzle in the basement storage room. The support we received from our friends and family was invaluable in making this move possible. Thanks, pals.
Planting Roots: Finding Our Footing in New Soil
As we settled into our new life, I focused on the logistics – figuring out the grocery stores, locating the health food store, learning about the food ways, the shopping and public transport here in The Hague. Bikes are the primary mode of transportation – one of the big draws for us to come!
With all the rush of the move, the anticipation of having to pack up our old life, I hadn’t prepared for the silence once I had settled in. I didn’t expect how quiet my days would be, nor how much I would welcome it. That quiet became one of the unexpected gifts of this move.
It’s taken time to build a community here, and we're still working on it. Isn't this a lifelong thing though? It took me 20 years in Calgary to build the community we have there, so I know it won't happen overnight. But slow, steady steps, combined with curiosity, have helped me navigate this change.
We’ve been fortunate to connect with my husband’s colleagues and their families, and we have a wonderful group of friends for occasional Games Nights, walks in the forest and bike rides. But loneliness still creeps in at times. To combat this, I make sure to stay in touch with family and friends through regular video calls, online Crib game dates and occasional FaceTime sessions.
One of the key shifts happened when I joined a community garden as a volunteer. Every Friday, I bike down to the Mens en Tuin in het Park garden to spend a few hours working. The garden is connected to a lovely restaurant near the beach and serves as a gathering space for people from all walks of life.
Every volunteer session starts with a warm cup of tea or cappuccino, and lots of physical work in tending to the garden, the weeds, the veggies, herbs and the compost bins. We often take breaks with cake or cookies and more tea. These breaks are filled with good conversation, and through them, I’ve gotten to know the volunteers, learning about their cultures and histories and sharing a bit of my story too. We even had a pumpkin pie bake off around Canadian Thanksgiving back in October! Spoiler alert: it was not my pie that won...
I credit my time in the Mens en Tuin in het Park as the key to feeling truly grounded in The Hague. It helped me shift from being in my head to getting in to my heart, in using my hands and becoming part of something bigger. I’m deeply grateful to Mijke, Earnie, and the Friday crew for welcoming me into their circle.
Embracing What's Next
For all the people and things we miss about our old life in Calgary, we are equally deeply appreciative of our new life here. Moving across the Atlantic has given us a fresh perspective.
At the core of this transition has been one guiding theme: approaching everything with curiosity. How does living here change the way we move through our days? What do we love most about our life in Canada, and what will we cherish when we return? And, when we do go back, what aspects of life in the Netherlands will we take with us?
One thing is already clear: the importance of working on a life / work balance (one of my favourite things about the Dutch way of life), coupled with activities to get me out of my head and in to my heart and hands is always going to be the way forward from hereon in.
In all of the stress surrounding this big move and transition, I have to say that my symptoms have, for the most part, stayed at bay through it all. I chalk it up to a series of good fortune, wonderful support from family and friends, and slow pacing around it all. I do wonder if living at this latitude, at sea level along the same big body of water my ancestors would have known, if things at the cellular level work better with the inputs of this part of the world.
I have no way of knowing. But I do remain curious at the thought!
Allowing space for growth
I’ve also been surprised by a gift I didn’t expect from this move. While there has been heartache — especially leaving our daughter behind — starting fresh in a new country has created space in my days for something I hadn’t realized I needed: time for myself. This space has allowed me to witness life with fresh eyes, even amidst the wildness of the world and the challenges of middle age. Despite all the stress, this transformation has led me to discover a deep, hidden resilience within myself. I’ve learned that I have what it takes to move through change, even when it’s hard.
If I had to distill what I learned in this year of transition into three guiding principles, they would be these three shared below.
For anyone navigating through big changes—especially those of us managing chronic health challenges—may these ideas provide some inspiration to keep you moving forward, even when the path ahead feels unclear.
3 Principles for Embracing Life’s Transitions
Go Find the Wild
When you’re settling into a new place, one of the best things I have found is to connect with the land. Discovering the wild spaces of your new home—whether it’s a nearby park, a local nature trail, the ocean and her tides, or simply the garden—is an opportunity to ground yourself.
For me, it meant diving into the agricultural practices of the region, spending time in the garden, and attuning myself to the rhythms of the seasons. My husband and I also connected with a nature guide, joining biweekly group hikes that help us learn about the natural world in our area. (Shout out to Martine!)
Getting outside is more than just a pleasant walk; it is crucial for reducing stress and supporting your overall well-being, including your immune system.
Getting outside also helps entrain your circadian rhythm. Why is the circadian rhythm so important? It's your internal 24 hour clock, and needs resetting every day. That circadian rhythm of yours drives mast cell function, and resetting that internal clock can help create more safety for your mast cells, therefore reducing potential signalling from the mast cells. (1)
One of my regular ways to get out and about is to go bike down to the ocean, and walk through the dunes of The Hague. Oh yes, this is a city on the beach. (Their slogan is The City. The Beach. The Hague.) The beach is the North Sea, mind you – but all the same, a mighty beautiful view.
A regular connection with nature can be grounding: both for your body and your mind. It helps create safety for your body’s systems. So, whether you’re new to an area or have lived there for years, get outside, breathe deeply, and feel the wild around you.
Find Your Word (aka Affirmation)
Every year, as spring begins to emerge, I take time to choose a mantra—a simple, guiding affirmation that sets the tone for the months ahead.
For 2024, I chose the mantra: “I am here.”
This powerful sentence reminded me to focus on the present moment and to avoid getting lost in what was to come or what had already passed. I can tell you, this affirmation alone saved me from despair quite a few times, when I was feeling overwhelmed in those days of packing up house!
Living in the moment can be incredibly daunting, especially during times of big transitions. By simply being present, I could avoid the overwhelming feelings that come with trying to control the future.
If you’re feeling unsure about where you’re headed, I encourage you to create your own mantra. It could be a phrase like “I am enough” or “I trust the process.” Make your sentence in the present tense, so that it feels like you're already doing it. And give it some time to percolate to the surface; try it on for a few days, see how it feels.
If coming up with a phrase feels too much, you may choose instead to find an image or symbol that resonates with you.
My first year I did this, I chose the image of a tree as my affirmation for the year ahead. I wanted to grow deep roots in the soil in order to allow my branches to sway in the winds and rains that were to come.
The key is to create something that feels alive and guiding in your everyday moments.
I haven't yet zeroed in on my word or intention for 2025, but I am currently playing with the word 'marvel'. Stay tuned for what develops, once I feel the new year stir in me.
Bring in Curiosity
The concept of curiosity was one of the most surprising realizations of my journey. Early on, I was certain that this move would bring nothing but stress.
Once I embraced curiosity, I discovered a new sense of flow in my life. It gave me the space to stay open, to allow myself to make discoveries rather than preemptively decide what everything would mean.
Curiosity allows me to take a step back, not feeling the need to rush to a conclusion or label something as “good” or “bad.”
Instead, it let me observe, breathe, feel grounded and respond in a way that feels aligned with my truth and in my own time.
Take our search for a new home, for example. The housing market in our area is competitive, and rents are high. Instead of succumbing to fear about not finding a place, I choose curiosity. It allows for the possibility of creative solutions, things that I might not have seen before if I had been locked in worry or panic.
Curiosity is a powerful tool. It gives us the space to become the creators of our own reality. It’s not about having all the answers; it’s about staying open to the possibilities.
Strength Through Shifts
Navigating big changes—whether it’s moving, facing a health challenge, or adapting to a new phase of life—can feel daunting. Resilience isn’t something we’re born with; it’s something we cultivate through small, intentional steps. If you’re in the midst of your own transition, remember that the path ahead may not always be linear. You are stronger than you think.
Go find the wild and connect to Mother Nature.
Set your intention and let it guide you.
Bring in a sense of curiosity and stay open to different possibilities.
So, what’s one way you’ve found resilience through change? What small step can you take today to keep moving forward? You are not alone on this journey, and your story is powerful. Feel free to share in the comments below—we would love to hear from you!
It takes a village: that is clear. When you are struggling through transitions, or feeling 'stuck' in the day to day, having your village around you can be that critical piece to support you through it.
Here at Histamine Haven, we have built a village. We're ready for you when you are. Come check out the Histamine Haven Online Community, and start building in that resilience piece for yourself. We talk about these types of concepts throughout the Community, and help you build it for yourself!
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